• Spartan Considerations

I'm On a Newww Drug*

So I thought I would provide you, my dear reader, with an update on the Mental Health front. Am I intentionally trying to normalize discussions on this important topic, or am I just putting off writing another political article? You decide. No skin off my nose said the skeleton. Halloween. Topical.

I am doing the things you are supposed to be doing with depression, anxiety, and a newcomer to this psychological three-way, ADD (minus the H). I started working out again at the gym - on the day the Lions lost to the Ravens. Not a coincidence. Cardio and weights. Doing that five times a week. Working on undoing 20 years of damage to this temple of sloth. Which I know is a Process. I haven't hulked out and ripped any of my guayabera shirts...yet. Pics to follow.

On the pharmaceutical question, it took me several weeks to locate a physician who is accepting patients. This is completely unacceptable. About three or four weeks ago, I thought I found a qualified professional who could push some pills in my direction. I was going through what you might call a "crisis" and was unable to connect with a health care provider who could help me out; a completely avoidable situation in a country as rich as ours.

Anyway, we were all good to go with an appointment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner. Finally, progress. The video conference appointment was set for 5 pm...nothing. 5:05, 5:10. I call the number. Nothing. Then around 5:20, I get a callback. "Mr. Booms, it appears as though you didn't fill out a form or two, so we can't meet you today.”

Suffice to say I didn’t handle the news with the grace and aplomb of a young Cary Grant. Or a middle-aged Ed Asner. I kirked out. Her fault for having a voice mail system. Did I also send the “doctor” a follow-up email which disparaged her in sailors’ language? Absolutely. Miserable excuse for a medical professional, may she rot.

At this moment I would like to thank one of our sponsors: MedChi, the Maryland State Medical Society. Like their tagline says, “MedChi: Give a doctor a hug” or whatever their motto is. You have Bing, look it up.

So I found a psychiatric nurse practitioner who put me on a new prescription. One of the potential side effects is, I kid you not, hallucinations. So if you want to sign up for my car pool, dm me.

Vivid dreams are a more common side effect. And they have definitely been kicking in. Last night, I dreamt of my cat. I won’t give his or her name because I’m 95% certain 100% of my readers are Russian scammers looking for password clues. This one is for you!

Anyway, I could literally feel my cat (who passed in the ‘80s, by the by) walking on the bed and curling up on my legs. The warmth from the fur, the whole nine. I have to say, if these are the hallucinations, then bring them on.

In short, as always with such posts – I encourage those who need help to seek it out. It is amazing how many people are willing to listen, even those who you would not consider close friends. Talk to a medical professional, there are more good ones than bad. Don’t self-diagnose. And, for God’s sake, read about the side effects before taking any new medications. And that, as they say, is “a tip from your Uncle Lar'.”

In solidarity.

*With apologies to Huey Lewis only, not the News

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